When life gives you lemons

From my time working at print media, I've learnt that magazines work two months in advance. This means that for our October issue, we are already working on it in August. Some magazines can work up to three months in advance; I was only so lucky to work in one where I won’t have to project my ideas so far ahead in time.

Actually, I wish I could work on my life how I would work on a magazine: planning in advance. I’m not even planning for what I’m having for dinner tomorrow, let alone what I’ll be doing in two months time (I actually do know and I’m really excited about it, but that’s besides the point).

Some part of me believes that everything will fall into place just the way it’s supposed to no matter how hard I try to plan my future. But that other part of me is skeptical and I know better that things won’t just fall into my lap. So what do I do? Of course the wise answer is to plan regardless of how it will be like 5 years down the road. But if a different path is carved out for me then, I would have wasted years of planning.

My father never dreamed of sitting down at a fancy restaurant, having the best steak and wine dinner in the world (it really was) for my 19^th birthday. He came from a small village where everyone knew each other and where only two known people owned a car. Now, he lives in the city, after having travelled to almost every continent. He acquired a degree for teaching English but never taught a class in his life. Instead, he started up one of the country’s best advertising agencies back in his day.

Truth is, life is weird. You graduate high school and after, you’re going to earn a degree in accounting or law or whatever. But then you end taking what seems to be an endless gap year. I never thought I’d actually get a real definition of the phrase, “You’ll never know what life throws at you”, but now I have. And I still don’t know what else it’s going to throw at me. Maybe tomorrow… Maybe next year. I also don't know when it's going throw something at me. But when I finally get it, I will be prepared. 

Revelations

When I read quotes or interviews of celebrities or other credible people that says something along the lines of "just be yourself" or "don't care about what others think", I thought to myself, how hard could that possibly be? Like, really?

Maybe it's just the hint of clichéd arrangement of words or maybe it was my young arrogant self, but I've always thought I was myself for a very long time. I wasn't trying to be anyone else by changing my hair, clothes or personality. I owned my own self. Or at least I thought I had.

Wearing a cardigan over your spaghetti-strapped tank to please your aunts isn't doing justice to "being yourself". Nor is buying a Nintendo DS when all you really wanted was a PSP, but because all your friends had it, you should too. I realised all of this just a tad bit too late but it's better late than never.

The root of my problem is that I stand out a little too much. And I mean that in the least haughty way possible. I don't know whether it's because of my "bule" looks or the way I walk/dress/talk - but I can never walk down my own street (or anywhere for that matter) without being fully stared at.

I guess it kind of bugs me that I just can't be unnoticeable for one day. Because of this, I try to do everything I can in my power to be... Less noticeable. I always dress down, wear my hair like I don't care and just hunch whenever I feel like I'm taller than most.

Because of this I never wore the things I really wanted to wear. Or else I'd be gawked at.

Now those clichéd quotes were clichéd for a reason. Because they have never been truer (I should really fine myself for how insanely cheesy I sound but the truth's the truth!). Never did I think those words would mean anything more than Hilary Duff trying to sound noble.

So this is the part where you say "screw other people's opinions", because I am aware that maybe I'll never go unnoticed. Maybe I'll always get the head-to-toe glances from girls who aren't even my age. So I might as well stand out. Stand out as much as I possibly can. At least then I'll give them something actually worth staring at.


xo,

S