“She passed away this morning.”
Those five words just kept playing in my mind endlessly like a broken record. I couldn’t concentrate. Could hardly walk. I didn’t know what to believe. I had to hold it all in, put up a facade. To think I was the first person to find out…
She was fine. Smiling, laughing and perfectly normal. So why so sudden? My dad always tells me that everything happens for a reason and this is no different. God must have needed her way more than we do. As much as I’d do anything to get you back here.. I keep having flashbacks of you and me, Karyn. It makes me sad. It makes me sad to think that I won’t be able to see your smile bright up the room anymore. I told you all my secrets and you kept them well, you were the first one I go to when I had a problem. You were just my everything. You were small in size, but gave the biggest bear hugs I could ever ask for. Your heart may had problems, but it had no problem for loving the people who cared about you.
I can’t help but to think I’m guilty. I can’t help thinking I didn’t spend enough time with you. I can’t help but to think I took you for granted. You’ve done so much for me, but I don’t think I’ve done enough for you. Your death brought us closer. Stronger, even. You had so much to live for but I don’t need to worry. You’re in a much better place than here, living life to the fullest with no boundaries. I just wish I could see you smile one more time. I’m sorry it took me this long to write it all out. I couldn’t write about you without having to wipe my eyes after every sentence. It took me five days. I’ve used up all my tears, and I realised I shouldn’t be crying anymore. You wouldn’t want us to be sad, you would want us to move on with life. And you know what, I will. But not one of those days will I ever go by without thinking of you.
Rest in peace, Karyn. I love you. Take care of yourself up there, okay?
