Have you ever felt so hungry but you didn't eat in time to fulfill the hunger, so you're just not hungry anymore? This is probably the best and closest thing to describe my life right now. Straight after high school, I was hungry; I was ready to eat, I was ready to do my work experience and to prepare myself for university. But something came up so I was late for dinner and didn't end up eating anything because it's way past dinner time. I thought that maybe I could still eat, maybe I could just start university soon, but the want is no longer there.
I guess it's true when people say the longer you put it off, the more put off by it you'll become. Everything has its time and when its dragged out for long, it kind of just loses its pa-zam. Especially when everyone you know is out there living their uni lives and you're stuck at home writing in your blog. From where I went to school, it was expected of you to immediately start uni or college straight after high school graduation. A gap year is usually frowned upon and not highly recommended. So when I show up to retrieve my IB Diploma, back in the foyers of my high school mid-January, my teachers were a bit confused as to oh, I dunno, why I'm still here. "I'm just gonna really miss it here, Miss. I don't want to leave just yet," said no one. Ever. I guess now I realise why they never spoke highly of gap years: it's because your brain gets fried and you'll never want to continue education again. That's true, but mostly the former part of that reason. Well, a fried brain is a bit of a hyperbole but my point is still intact; I haven't done anything productive in the last month and a bit, that included any form of writing, which I'm supposed to love doing. And I have lost all motivation to start this new "job" I'm supposed to have next month. I think all of this is happening because I just really want to go to university.
My friends are complaining about how long and boring their lectures are, how early they have to get up and all the tasks they have to complete. In all brutal honesty, I'd rather be doing that than making my Sims go to uni. It's even harder when I have a madre who keeps wanting what her friends' children has for me. "So and so's daughter/son got a scholarship to study in Tokyo. It irritates me how you can't get that?" I know my time will come eventually, I can't put off university for so long. One way or another, really. But like I said earlier, everything has its time. Maybe in a year or so, I'd rather be working because all my friends have earned their degrees. So me, just having gone through Freshers Week or O-Week wouldn't be much fun. However on the other side of the spectrum, everything has its time, and my time for uni will be later on. I guess that's the light at the end of the tunnel. That's the moral of the story, boys and girls.
Meh.
